so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I just put wine in my tea
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
