Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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