so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
