and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
