I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
