well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
