90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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