Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just cropdusted the office
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
