its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
