That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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