Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can you bring me the toilet please
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
