what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
