at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
