you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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