There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
