Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just had sex on a roof
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
