areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
