I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
