My liver just broke up with me...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize