He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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