No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize