I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
