when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
