so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
