apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
