So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it was like his penis was on wheels.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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