sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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