So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
