just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
