What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
