Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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