You kept calling me your small dog last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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