Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
