a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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