if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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