I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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