He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
