I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
