My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
