So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
