i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
