I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
