I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.