I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was born a porn star she said
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
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he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.