Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.