Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..

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(905): I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact.. http://tfl.nu/kbzw

Replies (42) Good night (922) Bad night (6085)
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(314): View more from Missouri

last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.

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(314): last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga. http://tfl.nu/5ric

Replies (16) Good night (4139) Bad night (1176)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.

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(507): I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is. http://tfl.nu/v0y7

Replies (9) Good night (1007) Bad night (2755)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

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(321): I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/ccnb

Replies (13) Good night (3607) Bad night (1377)
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(804): View more from Virginia

i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive

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(804): i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive http://tfl.nu/za3r

Replies (1) Good night (2972) Bad night (1097)
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(650): View more from California

I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.

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(650): I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina. http://tfl.nu/1mmo

Replies (7) Good night (1646) Bad night (783)
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(815): View more from Illinois

My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.

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(815): My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time. http://tfl.nu/dmh2

Replies (9) Good night (2748) Bad night (659)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?

(404): View more from Georgia

Things like this can't be explained over text man

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(678): Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning? (404): Things like this can't be explained over text man http://tfl.nu/zzxh

Replies (22) Good night (4580) Bad night (1334)
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(845): View more from New York

Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.

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(845): Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me. http://tfl.nu/ykh5

Replies (8) Good night (585) Bad night (1767)
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(425): View more from Washington

Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?

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(425): Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You? http://tfl.nu/qxi1

Replies (1) Good night (875) Bad night (1467)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!

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(+44): Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome! http://tfl.nu/jhr8

Replies (2) Good night (2068) Bad night (554)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.

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(612): It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected. http://tfl.nu/ebyi

Replies (4) Good night (990) Bad night (400)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...

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(978): You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again... http://tfl.nu/9z52

Replies (3) Good night (825) Bad night (348)
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(313): View more from Michigan

He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.

(313): View more from Michigan

I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.

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(313): He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over. (313): I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked. http://tfl.nu/vnqs

Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (409)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.

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(203): I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch. http://tfl.nu/vpl3

Replies (1) Good night (514) Bad night (185)

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