My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You took a bar mat shot.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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