My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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