Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
