I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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