Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
