Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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