If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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