the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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