4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
