there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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