Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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