God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
