Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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