So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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