there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
