Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
