apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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