i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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