okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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