My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
