I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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