Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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