alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
a search helicopter?!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
