Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
