She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
