The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
