his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
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